I said it in my weekly rewind post, how HARD Mondays are for me. It seems as the week rolls on it gets a little easier to leave Jonah with Wesley or my mom and head on to be a good worker bee, but some days it just plain SUCKS and by Friday I just don't want to go..something about knowing the weekend is coming makes it worse again. I want to be there. It’s been five months since I’ve been back at work only after having 9 weeks off (8 ½ since Jonah was born) and I’m not really doing any better. . . actually I think it’s worse. More and more I realize that I am missing out. I want my mom and Wesley to have their own memories with him, but I want him to remember Mama being there to feed him breakfast. I want to shush him to sleep for naps. I want to play in the back yard and go on shopping trips. I want to take him to the kiddie pool in the summer. I want to sell everything I own – so I can spend time with him. I need to pray about it and let God guide me in coping with being away or to his purpose for me as a mom.
Is it just simple jealousy? Am I going to have this struggle
forever? I know I'm not alone. Do I have separation anxiety issues? probably.
There. I said it. Outloud. Now what?
I feel like this most of the day while I am working and the kids are at daycare. However.. we are going through a rough patch of toddlerhood. By the end of the night I am so over the tempertantrums. Mornings are a struggle. In some ways I am glad that there is someone else to deal with them for part of the day.
ReplyDeleteBut then I miss them anyways and still dream of a time I can have them home with me more.
I am going to pray for you too (in addition to your own prayers for guidance)! I know what a struggle this is. I worked for a brief period after my second daughter was born and every morning I left the house in a bad mood...jealous of my husband getting to see all her "firsts". Eventually we decided to make some drastic cuts and came up with a way for me to be home. I've never looked back. If this is your heart's desire I believe God will help you find a way! Hope this encourages you a little!
ReplyDeleteDitto my sweet sister... Always a struggle. You will always feel like you are missing out on something. He is also at that age where he is learning and doing so much that if you blink you will miss something. It is a little better now at Emma's age, but I still find every reason in the world to spend some time off with her. When it does start getting easier, it's time to have another!
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime... I'll enjoy a "Jonah's day" for a few more weeks :)
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