A Year Ago Expecting Baby Brother

On this day one year ago, I left work knowing that on Monday, instead of returning, I'd be checking in to a different hospital just down the street to meet my second precious little boy face to face for the first time. Gosh, I was so ready. I was worried about how big he was, how Jonah would handle it, how I would adjust to having two children, but most of all I was just ready. I was so ready for that pregnancy to be over, yet I wasn't quite focused on the reality that it was happening so soon. 

I remember thinking as we checked in to the hospital on Monday morning that I hadn't really focused on delivering a baby at all and couldn't quite focus my thoughts on it then. I knew it was happening, but maybe with your second child, you are just so busy with the first you don't really have time to focus on anything. It was happening though, everything was changing.

A week or so ago, Jonah and I watched a video of us talking about "baby brudder". Jonah was saying his name and that he was ready for "him to come home." I didn't remember us talking about him coming home and for some reason those words, now, really stick with me. I just think about how we built up his arrival so much and Jonah had no clue really what was happening. He knew we were getting a baby, but his little two year old mind, as smart as he was, didn't really get it. Those words though "coming home" just strike me as so special. They are almost like our lives were always meant to have this other person. Like Ezra was our missing link and we were just waiting for him. Now, Jonah often refers to Ezra as "our baby" and talks openly about how much he loves him. He makes up stories or talks about the future and always includes his brother.

Now I'm tearing up thinking about this, but a year ago, I thought about having a baby, having a newborn, having another son, worrying about splitting my attention, my time, my resources, but I didn't realize the weight of giving my boy a brother.

 Their relationship with each other will be forever independent of my own relationship with them as individuals and even my relationship to them as a pair. Their relationship will grow and change over time and will likely be difficult at some point, but they have taught me so much over the past year and as hard as it is sometimes to manage little ones, there has been so much joy.

Last night, I put on a show for Jonah and I was going to put Ezra to bed, but he just wasn't ready. He was rolling around on the floor in a pile of pillows (wonder where he learned that.. Jonah) and I started to tickle Ezra just a little, when he BURST into laughter over and over again. Jonah kept saying stop tickling him, I can't hear the show, so I would do it again and every time Ezra laughed Jonah would say stop, but each time, his smile got bigger and bigger. We were annoying him, but the laughter brought him joy too.

May the laughter of two brothers always be more joyful than the tv is entertaining. May they always enjoy each other's enjoyment and may they always always be able to stay up late just to laugh at each other laughing.

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